This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
