dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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