I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize