He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
