I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
