what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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