I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
