Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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