he thought i was a dude.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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