You smell like a Billy Joel song
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
