Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
