Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
