from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
