Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
