One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
