Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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