I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
