Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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