I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
