Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
