i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I want her autograph on my taint
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
