I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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