Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
