The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
