i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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