Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
