Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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