This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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