im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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