Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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