I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
