Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
