you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
