i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
