Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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