I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
