I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Walk of Shame today included voting.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sorry my hands just texted you
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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