I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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