Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
