Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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