Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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