On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize