All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
