did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
