i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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