420 ftw
If that was your dad, he is hot
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
