i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
