she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
