we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
