Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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