wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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