He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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