Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
