ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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