Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
