i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
