I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
How does one acquire holy water?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
