The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
