Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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