i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
