Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
