WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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