U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i think my mom watched the whole time
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
