explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize