I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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