I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This is my gift to your gina
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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