sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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