Say something about gay babies.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
