I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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