You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
