What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
