Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize