i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
