you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
