did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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