You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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