I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I love having hate sex.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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