You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
