let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
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it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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