Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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