I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
