Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
