People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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