I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
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Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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