awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
